10009

Joke of the Day

"There's a difference between racism and fact... Niggers are stinky - fact"

"Why did the Mayor take so long to endorse a Presidential candidate? Because he was running on CP time."

"A girl runs up to her mother with a pile of crap in her hand ""Look what I almost stepped in!"""

"mmmm This chocolate speaks my language. Or it would, if it weren't being eaten. So. I guess it's probably horrified-screaming my language."

"I hate when I'm singing and some idiot thinks they can join in with me... this is not Glee."

"Taking my 4 year old to see Straight Outta Compton. I can't remember ever being this excited for a movie that's rated G."

"Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way."

"[on a Speed date] pop quiz hotshot, if this date goes below 50 mph it explodes [her] that makes no sense [I mouth a tiny explosion sound]"

"Why aren't orphans laughing? Because jokes aren't apparent."

"I think it's really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Steve, agrees with me."