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Joke of the Day

"A bird in hand may be worth two in a bush, but a nut in a bush is worth two in a hand."

"I got a haircut recently. I thought it was too short at first, but it's started to grow on me."

"Why do Americans spell it as 'color' and not 'colour'? Because fuck u that's why."

"Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King? He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion."

"Just decked the halls. Let that be a warning to halls everywhere."

"The worst part about being introduced to new people is the panic moment where I think ""Pay attention! Pay attention!!!"" and miss their name."

"During sex it's perfectly fine to say 'yeah', 'yes', 'oh yes'..but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming 'Yep' .."

"What's the difference between a Priest and Pimples? Pimples don't come on your face until you're at least 13."

"What do you call a German thief? A Hamburglar."

"So in 2016 I've decided to leave all the negative people behind. So im sorry if i owe you money because im moving on from that now."