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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a bag of dead babies and a mercedes? I don't have a mercedes in my garage!"

"Sure I could get off the couch & put new batteries in this remote but instead I am going to hold it high above my head & at different angles"

"Coworker: By your age I was on my 3rd child already. Me: Wow that's a lot of kids to eat in a such a short period of time."

"Isn't it time we stopped celebrating Columbus day? Peter Falk died in 2011."

"I bought my son a pet snake and the salesman said ""Be careful those snakes grow up to 20 feet"" I said ""Shut up...snakes don't grow feet!!!!"""

"What do you call a t-shirt with stalks of wheat on it? A crop top!"

"Knock knock... Who's there? The pilot, let me in."

"We need more women in science! said the feminist gender studies student..."

"Sonny: I can't sleep. What should I do? Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you'll be sure to drop off!"

"It's ok Apple users, I just woke up and found a surprise Nickelback album on my BlackBerry."