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Joke of the Day
"""Are you ok?"" ""No, I'm bleeding because its fun."""
Next Joke
"The best part about having a homeless girlfriend? After the date, you can just drop her off anywhere."
"Happy Thanksgiving Reddit! Let us all give thanks to the day Jesus ate turkey with the pilgrims."
"Added my sticker to the family on the back of your van I am in your family now you have to bring me to costco every time you go."
"Chuck Norris strikes again Chuck Norris has counted the number of atoms in the universe... **thrice**"
"I too like my women the same way as I like my coffee... Constantly berating me making me wish I was dead."
"Interviewer: ""So, where do you see yourself in 5 years?"" Me: ""My biggest weakness? Probably not listening properly."""
"Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two."
"Hard to believe I once had a phone ATTACHED TO A WALL. When it rang I'd pick it up WITHOUT KNOWING WHO WAS CALLING. Amazing I'm still alive."
"Ok, so, for some reason, my lesbian neighbours just gave me a brand new Rolex... I think they misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch."""