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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between askreddit's mods and askreddit's subscribers? Askreddit's subscribers are ok with offensive jokes."

"I'm on a plane with the dad from Home Alone and it's taking all my strength to not scream ""WE FORGOT KEVIN!"""

"I just saved thousands on child support by never getting laid."

"What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker? Don't poop where you scoop."

"The heiress to the L'Oreal cosmetics empire has turn to prostitution to make ends meet, putting a $5 million price tag on her services for a single night. Which is fair enough, because she's worth it."

"So, a priest goes weeks without eating, walks barefoot, and has bad breath. [x-post from /r/punny] He's a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."

"Make sure to pay your Exorcist on time, because otherwise... ...They'll repossess your home."

"Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own."

"If I worked in a restaurant.... on Valentines Day I'd put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink."

"If there was any award for laziness, I probably would send someone to pick it up for me."