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Joke of the Day

"Going to church doesn't necessarily make you a nice person... It does, however, make you sleepy."

"I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years party... When you hear an arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in."

"How did Moses part the Red Sea? He used a Sea-saw."

"I told my son if he doesn't step it up, I'm going to start living vicariously through someone else's kid."

"[flying remote control helicopter near my wife] GET THAT THING AWAY FROM MY- [helicopter gets tangled in her hair & now I'm a dead person]"

"Proper punctuation can be the difference between a tweet being well written and a tweet being well, written."

"Where do Amish people go to get medicine? To the farmacy."

"My foot wants to interact with your face. "

"What do you call Charlie Sheen having sex with his brother? Emilio Incestevez"

"*Asteroid is hurtling toward Earth* ESPN Broadcaster: This asteroid could have an enormous impact on the playoffs."