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Joke of the Day

"If singer/actor Meat Loaf got sick and refused treatment... the newspapers headline could be ""Meat Loaf Aday keeps the doctor away"""

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over Me: Idk, but could you move this along? I've had too much to drink and I really need to pee."

"How does William Shakespeare make chili? With beans? Or not with beans? That is the question."

"Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't a chicken."

"Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11? Americans can't milk the cow for 14 years."

"What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin pi!"

"""If you can't handle me at my diddliest, you don't deserve me at my doodliest."" -Ned Flanders"

"I saw this heartwarming video of baby bears climbing out of a dumpster and thought, ""Who would throw away a perfectly good baby bear?"""

"Backache Darren This is a joke I wrote before I discovered reddit. I shall link to it thusly: http://vulpes-aurum.deviantart.com/art/Backache-Darren-149248532"

"Women are like snowflakes: they can't drive"