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Joke of the Day

"Surely there's a 3rd option. Can't i just walk home? That can't be my only two choices? Ride or DIE? Seems a bit extreme."

"I just came across a group of elderly fish... Old School."

"It's that scene from footloose where Kevin Bacon is angry dancing in the barn but it's me trying to do my taxes."

"What has four legs but isn't alive? A Dead Dog"

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles"

"I have so much Astronomy work it's out of this world."

"-911 what's your emergency? -People are pronouncing it EX-presso."

"What's the difference between a married woman and this joke? This joke sucks."

"Don't run with scissors because you might accidentally trip, fall and cut the grand opening ribbon of a new museum 2 weeks ahead of schedule"

"The man who invented distorted mirrors has died. His funeral will be held in asymmetry."