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Joke of the Day

"Why is the Doctor an excellent chef? He's a Thyme Lord"

"me: how much per hour? babysitter: $15 me: okay here's $2.37 million see you in 18 years"

"Wife: I left the kids with you for a half hour & they dumped 3 pounds of sugar in the dryer trying to make cotton candy. Me: Did it work?"

"Old junkies don't die, they just withdraw."

"Cops in movies keeping guard outside hospital rooms have a 0% success rate."

"What's the best way to make a bull sweat ? Put him in a tight jumper !"

"I have a fear of speed bumps... ...I'm slowly getting over it."

"Q: When driving through fog what should you use? A: Your car."

"To level the playing field, online dating sites should require using the picture in your driver's license."

"There was a prison break and I locked eyes with a midget as he climbed up the fence. As he jumped over he sneered at me and I thought, ""Well, that's a little condescending."""