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Joke of the Day

"You look like the type of person who would try to write a check for a drug deal."

"What do the NFL and Brokeback Mountain have in common? The cowboys suck."

"Why didn't Frodo hide the ring up his ass? Because Sam would disappear."

"What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? GLOVES! Just kidding, he hasn't opened the box yet"

"My pants embarrassed me in front of a chick again. How many times must I tell them that it's rude to point???"

"My wife asked me ""What's on the TV?"" - I said ""Dust!"""

"Why does it always have to be ""he's addicted to drugs""? Why can't it be, ""he's passionate about drugs""."

"Remember--the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your appearance, lack of talent, and general personality."

"A fun thing about having kids is how they ask for help with their homework. On the way to school."

"Relationships are like Algebra... You look at your X and wonder Y."