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Joke of the Day

"Every 5 seconds, somewhere on this planet a woman gives birth to a child. I think! We must find this woman and stop her."

"[at a funeral] *approaches the weeping widow and embraces her* *whispers* ""So you're single now, right?"

"A cicada crawled up my butt while I was sleeping last night. I'm not worried though. It'll come out in 13 years."

"How do you make an elephant float? Take a cup and add root beer, two scoops of ice cream, and an elephant"

"My cute kitten Aww, wrong sub."

"What did the brain dead guy have for breakfast? Comatoast!"

"Why are beekeepers opposed to keeping gorillas in captivity? They're ape purists"

"A grenade isin't the only thing i'd catch for you bby. :^)"

"Why is Santa's sack so big??? Well, he only cums once a year..."

"The only standards I have in life are about the quality of alcohol I consume, and even that gets sketchy after about 5 drinks."