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Joke of the Day

"In response to being asked if I had a good weekend: Days off are like blowjobs -- even the bad ones are good."

"When my toddlers are teenagers I'm going to wake them up in the middle of the night to tell them I'm thirsty"

"If pink and glitter were vitamins blondes would be the healthiest people alive."

"What do you call Batman if he leaves church? Christian bail."

"Why did ISIS stop looting viagra? The goats all died."

"I've Been Bitten! by A. Flea"

"Hansel and Gretel is a timeless tale about the importance of killing old ladies."

"What do you say when it's snowing? Winter is coming."

"Where do suicide bombers go where they die? Everywhere."

"You know what I hate most about N.D.A.s?"