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Joke of the Day

"People keep getting mad when I say I'm a God.... ... They all say I have a me complex"

"Growing up, I had a best friend. When we first met we didn't see eye to eye, but then he grew on me."

"Slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fire place this morning."

"I've bought drinks for guys and not as an equality thing but because when I'm drunk I forget that money is real."

"What's Pamela Andersons favorite soda? Hepsi!"

"An original joke about Mathew and Not-Mathew. Me:Mathew and Not-Mathew were on a boat. Mathew fell off the boat. Who was left? You:Not-Mathew. Me:Yeah Mathew was the one who fell out. Idiot."

"Have you heard that story about that man who gets surprised a lot? It was a tale of WOAH!"

"What do toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common? They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons."

"Why are Ethiopians so good at blowjobs? Because they have to swallow everything they can"

"If you're wearing sunglasses & it's not at all sunny out, you can't get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street."