96318

Joke of the Day

"How did people travel through Germany when Hitler was in power? Not sea. Get it? like Nazi. but not sea. get it?"

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? keep the tip bitch."

"kids can't play outside b/c of the miniscule chance they'll be kidnapped. at age 16 they get keys to a 2000-pound machine powered by fire"

"[marriage counseling] Wife: I just wish he wasn't so clingy Husband: YOU KNEW I WAS A BARNACLE, LINDA"

"If you want to catch a bus you have to *think* like a bus."

"After my grandfather's funeral... I scattered his remains all over my back garden. Which was horrible, because he hadn't been cremated."

"My grandfather's broken watch is just as relevant today as it was in the 50s It's a timeless piece, really."

"Why is Monica Lewinsky voting for Donald Trump? Because a Clinton left a very bad taste in her mouth."

"Why are black people so tall? Cuz their knee grows."

"Did you hear about the scarf that Eva Braun knitted for Hitler? He said it was kampfy and that he reiched it a lot, but that it could have used fuhrer stitches."