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Joke of the Day

"A friend asked me to tell him where 'Muscat' is I thought about it for a while and said ""Oh man!"". He said ""Yeah man"", I replied ""That's Sana'a"". I'm really confused now."

"Sometimes I have my shit together, sometimes I eat an unidentified white substance out of my hair and am grateful when it's frosting."

"[wife explaining to me how deaths in movies work] So the actors really don't die? ""No"" So is Abraham Lincoln really not dead? *she sighs*"

"My first time having sex... ...was fucking shit."

"Did you hear about the Brazilian guy who won the lottery? He is now a Brazilianaire."

"I think my wife came from Ikea Cause she came with extra parts that I didn't know about"

"What did 9/11 have in common with a lasagna? There was ground meat between the layers."

"A penis has a sad life: His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, & his owner beats him."

"Q: Why did the baker rob the bank? A: He needed the dough."

"I was completely offended, but then you said ""no offense,"" so now everything's cool."