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Joke of the Day

"I like my women how I like my coffee. Ground up, packed in zip lock bags and stored in the freezer."

"I invented the word ""plagiarism"""

"Zombies never bite hipsters. They taste fine. We just don't want to spend eternity hearing them say they became undead before it was cool."

"Add ""in my pants"" after a song name Shake that laffy taffy in my pants"

"ladies, call me a badly designed excel spreadsheet because my D column is unnecessarily large"

"Wynona Ryder was great in Stranger Things. She stole the show"

"An adult man named Todd just told me I could call him Big T, that was 9 minutes ago. I'm staring at him waiting for the punch line."

"When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, ""A very good doctor""."

"A religious American just went on a killing spree with out killing anyone. Talk about a bad AIMish"

"I talk like a sailor in front of my kid. He's gonna swear anyway and I want him to be good at it."