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Joke of the Day

"Why did the comedian mermaid die ? Because it had a dry sense of humor ."

"Why do penguins have skinny penises because they only have flippers"

"What the difference between a pancake? It tastes better with jam."

"Just saw the coolest magic trick! Ticketmaster turned a $15 concert ticket into $38.95"

"No one plans to fail. They just go online. Then check their e-mail. Then go to twitter...and it just happens organically."

"I'm at my most NASCAR driver when I really have to pee."

"[day 38 on the ark] NOAHS WIFE: we're out of food NOAH: don't worry, i have a contingency plan UNICORN: why are u lookin at me like that"

"Do they really need to add 'Alive' to 'Sexiest Man' or am I grossly underestimating the number of necrophiliacs in the world?"

"What did the man say who couldn't add the same number to itself? I can't even..."

"How could batman possibly defeat superman? Put him on a horse I'm now going to hell with the rest of you..."