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Joke of the Day

"Everyone talks about how May 4th is 100% hands down the best Star Wars holiday ever.... But only a fifth May deal in absolutes.."

"Someone ran over a deaf, dumb and blind man near me last night. Poor bloke didn't know what had hit him."

"What is a pirates favourite material? Yarrrn"

"How did the farmer deal with the stubborn sheep's wool? With shear willpower"

"I kayak. Canoe?"

"That toddler on a leash at the mall might be an unstoppable killing machine. You really don't know."

"For his birthday the monster asked for a heavy sweater. So they gave him a sumo wrestler!"

"I also like my coffee like I like my women ...ground up and in the freezer"

"Old people at weddings poke me and say ""Your next"". So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

"""So sir, have you decided whether or not you'd like to buy this mattress?"" ""I'll sleep on it"""