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Joke of the Day

"I created the friend zone defense in basketball. You basically just compliment the other guys but never make a move."

"What do you call an immoral lesbian citizen of Rivendell who hosts a talk-variety show and lacks character? An elven degenerate."

"Cashier: Bag or plastic sir Me: Neither (scoops up forty items under my shirt and walks out)"

"Why do push up bras not work for some girls? Because 0x0 is always 0."

"I don't blame pedophiles all the time, After all, there's a child in all of us."

"Me: what make of dog is that? Her: breed Me [hands on knees]: I am, I'm just out of breath cos I ran over to ask what make of dog that is"

"Siri, does this look infected?"

"Told my kids to get rid of toys they don't play with, so if you hear a commotion it's just them desperately playing with every toy they own."

"My 3yo said Cheese is her favorite place. I don't know if I should be worried that she thinks cheese is a place or sad because it's not."

"If you're having second thoughts, you're 2 ahead of most people."