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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? Flatbread"

"Happy birthday Bob Marley. Shirts with your face on it are now sold at Walmart."

"Where is the best place to hide a body? Buried in the third page of google search results."

"There's a band called 1023MB... You might have heard of them... But memory fades."

"It's cool that my girlfriend is willing to bear my child, but it would be way cooler if she gave birth to a bear."

"Joss Whedon should open his own version of a Tractor Supply store, with gardening and animal supplies ... ... he could call it Whedon Feed 'n Weed-n-feed"

"Honey I'm home from Costco. ""You didn't buy anything stupid this time?"" [looks outside at kayak strapped to roof rack] Define stupid?"

"Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can."

"Brew coffee. Chill coffee. Use coffee instead of water to make Twice-Brewed Coffee. Win Nobel Prize. Begin to glow, levitate. Eat building."

"I'm not comfortable with my sexuality... but luckily I have a discomfort fetish."