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Joke of the Day

"I can tell our waitress is a slut by the way she walks. Also by the way she fucked every dude I went to high school with."

"Thanks to home security commercials, I am now terrified of middle aged white men."

"What's the difference between GOP voters and polar bears? Polar bears gather around the ice hole."

"I really need someone to follow me around Target to say ""No. No. Put that back. You don't need that. You already have 4 of those at home."""

"Similes are like as holes."

"Q: How do you reuse a condom? A: Turn it inside out, and shake the fuck out of it."

"I keep having this reoccurring dream Every night I dream I'm constantly changing between being a teepee and a wigwam. I went to the doctor and he told me ""Calm down kid, you're two tents.""."

"I got a call telling me my grandma only has a few hours left to live.... but I refuse to pay the ransom."

"What kind of eggs do Canadians prefer? Grade eh?"

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef but you can't pee soup."