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Joke of the Day

"Taken 4: Liam Neeson's daughter is kidnapped again. He calls up kidnappers and says ""just keep her. She's annoying and I'm tired of this"""

"Arguing w him is like playing Pictionary w/ the person who draws one weird little shape and just keeps circling it over and over and over."

"Getting to know someone is a lot like making toast; don't do it in the bathtub."

"A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together."

"Oh, Obama's credit card was declined? Michelle must have called the bank and told them she was tired of her husband always ""going Dutch."""

"Just read ""The Three Musketeers,"" and it's true, the book is always better than the candy"

"If two pharaohs farted at the same time They would have a toot in common"

"""I know,, Let's tape a spider to a lobster and scare the crap out of everyone."" God, when He made scorpions"

"What do you call a vampire in a raincoat ? Mack-u-la !"

"the average american eats 8 spidres in their sleep evrey year, but the exceptional american strives to eat at least 20"