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Joke of the Day

"Robin Williams tried to give me a high-five the other day but I just left him hanging"

"You can reduce your weight by one simple exercise of shaking your head horizontally. Do it when you are offered food"

"My ex was terrible in bed. I mean she would just lie there... Screaming, ""Noooo!"""

"In which state does the Mississippi river flow? Liquid."

"A Rabbi walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Confused, the bartender asks, ""Where did you get that??"" The parrot replied, ""Oh him? New York."""

"I'm sick and I'm going to work today; so if there's some kind of Contagion-level outbreak, I'm your patient-zero."

"Your honeymoon can't be going that great if you're incessantly instagramming photos of it?"

"When I was a kid I didn't want to imagine my parents having sex, so I'd watch them from the wardrobe."

"Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you, how could that happen? Me: We have the same teacher."

"What do Russians call their barbers? Combrade"