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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she can fit into your wife's clothes."

"What fruit/vegetable doesnt leave your body through the anus? A Stomato"

"If they cause you to have anxiety & panic attacks the majority of your relationship, move on. In related news, I just broke up with my mom"

"If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes."

"Friday night is Fred Flintstone sliding down the dinosaur's back."

"What does a priest get when he wants pussy? Nun."

"Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Susie."

"I wore a leather jacket into a vegan restaurant and now I'm hiding in the bathroom."

"*picks up bug, puts it outside* There ya go. *later, bug smashes thru door carrying gun* You should have killed me when you had the chance"

"Thank god this election is over. .....I almost forgot what real commercials were like."