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Joke of the Day

"What did Jesus' disciples say when he caught all those fishes? HOLY MACKAREL!"

"ITEMS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD OWN: -Little Black Dress -Cute flats -Strappy s- ok now that the men have stopped reading, we revolt at dawn."

"Why was the empty penis so scary? Because it was a hollow wiener (halloweener) [works better spoken - I think - just made it up in the shower]"

"What do you call a semi-professional proctologist? Someone doing a half-assed job."

"Knock knock. Who's there? The pilot, let me in."

"I once had a goldfish that would hump the carpet, but only for about 30 seconds."

"Today sucks but I really shouldn't complain. I've got it good compared to...well, dead people."

"The militia had killed my entire family and left me for dead. Thank God for Buzzfeed's 17 Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity."

"just like how Magma doesnt become Lava until it comes out of a volcano, its not poop until it comes out of the ass. before its out its pizza"

"I went to the doctor to have a large mole removed from my penis... ...If it happens again they'll inform the police."