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Joke of the Day

"A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop."

"I just join reddit and suddenly discover that my name is is on the front page! ^so ^upvotes. much karma. ^^^wow."

"Chris Brown only listens to his music.. on his Beats by Dre"

"Did you hear about the million dollar Dutch lottery? If you win, you get a dollar a year ... for a million years."

"Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman? It takes too long to hollow out her head. (I got this one from my uncle)"

"FACEBOOK asks me what I'm thinking, TWITTER asks me what I'm doing, FOURSQUARE asks me where I am. Conclusion: Internet is my girlfriend!"

"Dude that's not a tire swing its a warning to other tires that trespass in my yard"

"ME: i'm nervous WIFE: don't be. just be confident [later] BOSS: so do you think you'd be right for the job ME: *confidently* no"

"How fuckin' good do babies smell!? I wanna jam one up each nostril and rob a bank!"

"*throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*"