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Joke of the Day

"I was having sex with a female amputee in the dark I trying to figure out why my ass hurt, but she had me stumped."

"Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds."

"Three people having sex is called a threesome... Two people having sex is called a twosome. Now I know why everyone calls me handsome. (My brothers Facebook status today...)"

"[NSFW] Yesterday I gave a surprise bukkake party to my roommate... ...everyone came. You should have seen her face."

"My Level of Maturity Changes Depending On Who I'm With"

"Have you heard there's a new disease you can get from using Linux? It's Terminal. (OC joke.)"

"What's the most dangerous place in Washington D.C.? Between a politician and a news camera."

"Why are Peruvians always deported? Because they can't Peruve they're citizens"

"Ever had to force a smile while someone takes forever trying to figure out how to use the camera? That's how teenagers feel 24 hours a day."

"*passive aggressively turns off Christmas lights when someone stops too long to look at them*"