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Joke of the Day

"Welcome to Insomnia Club. God dammit Bob. BOB. Steve wake Bob up. Steve?"

"Twitter is the only place where it's actually BORING to discover that you are being followed by hundreds of robots."

"What do you call it when two high people get in an argument? A pot roast."

"FUN PRANK: when a stranger hands you their phone to take a picture of their family, take a selfie instead and also steal their phone"

"I'm hungry A boy walks up to his dad. ""Dad I'm hungry."" ""Hi hungry!"" ""Dad I'm serious."" ""I'm sorry serious, I thought you were hungry."" The boy then dies of hunger."

"Yes, I'd like to return this pizza ""is there a problem, sir?"" *opens box* ITS GOT NO TOPPINGS ON ""sir, you've opened the box upside-down"""

"I swear, a pigeon at the bus stop this morning was trying to flirt with me. Anyway, totally fucked that pigeon."

"Some women are real drama queens during PMS They complain, shout, pout, argue, cry, sulk, call in sick, throw kitchen utensils ... ... I think they are just OVARYacting"

"What is the most religious insect ? A mosque-ito !"

"Of all the advice given to me over the years, ""There really is no bad time for a beer"" has proved to be the most helpful. Thanks ma."