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Joke of the Day

"The man who invented the Kinder Surprise had died. The pathologist who does his autopsy is in for a treat."

"A street preacher told me that gays cause floods, & my first reaction was to call my friend Ben & ask him what other rad shit he could do"

"Girl, are you a useless, obscure and unimportant punctuation mark? Because I want to interro-bang you"

"Why isn't Sean Connery an unmarried roofer? He's not a fan of the shingle life."

"Why don't oysters give to charity? They are shellfish."

"Do you think the Tauntaun from The Empire Strikes Back got cold after Han sliced it open? Or do you think it kept lukewarm?"

"3 women in a bar are comparing how loose they are... One claimed they could fit a sausage, another claimed they can fit a cucumber and the other slid down the bar stool."

"Where's the best place to buy jive cheese? Monterey, Jack!"

"[principal's office] ""Your child's previous school indicates you're a bit of a helicopter parent."" Velociraptor: That's got to be a typo."

"Sending dick pics is for amateurs... Real men get out there and disappoint women in real life."