91360

Joke of the Day

"Why, in the United States, do we not have the letter ""u"" in words like ""favourite"" and ""colour""? Because fuck u and no one likes u, that's why."

"I have to take a Viagra when I take an Ambien. It keeps me from rolling off the bed."

"Why is the beach wet? Cause the seaweed"

"2Pac died because he lived the thug life. This 6 pack is going to die because I live the chug life."

"I can confidently say I'm 150 pounds of solid sexy. Plus 40-50 of squishy stuff."

"Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning."

"Startup idea: Toilet Paper App. Wipe your ass with your actual phone. Reusable."

"What is the difference between a poker card and Africa? The sooner is the Ace of Spades and the latter, a Space of AIDS."

"What is the American national day for vampires? Fangsgiving Day."

"Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel."