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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend was crying because she got a bad haircut I said, ""why are you crying? I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend"""

"why would anyone want a baby? it's just another thing you have to clean"

"If he asks you to be his girlfriend say yes and then hide from him so he can never break up with you."

"Dunno how you Americans have the motivation and energy to pronounce the 'y' in 'basil' and 'tomatoes'."

"[At dentist] Dentist: Any plans for the weekend? Nnooiddtrrreeeskllyggfff Dentist: I'm not doing anything either."

"Women don't want to hear a man's opinion... ...They just want to hear their own in a deeper voice. (Credit to Jeff Foxworthy)"

"According to all these ""note to self"" sticky notes I am a very forgetful person also I have no idea what these notes mean"

"Run over by a Limo My mate got run over this morning by a limousine, it took fucking ages..."

"My background check bounced."

"Did you hear the one about Jerry Sandusky molesting kids? If not, it's okay - neither did the Police."