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Joke of the Day

"What did the girl on her period say when she got caught? ""You caught me red handed!"""

"The cat licks itself and it's cute. I do it and I'm ""no longer allowed in the library""."

"This girl said she wouldn't have sex with me because she was on her period... I'd say her excuse was spotty at best."

"What do you call a fish that makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather. (_)"

"What's the difference between a Toaster and Hitler? A toaster can only burn two things at once."

"A real Picasso painting declared a forgery by a fake authenticator... ...is art officially artificial according to an artificial art official."

"Don't judge. Maybe I'm conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don't know."

"My wife wants to meet new people & have fun, so she made me join a Bridge Club.... ...I jump off next Tuesday"

"People with FB statuses like, ""I'm so angry right now"", then when someone says, ""What's up?"" they reply, ""I'll text you."" WHAT ABOUT US?"

"Why didn't the vampire purchase the expensive suit? He just couldn't ever see himself wearing it."