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Joke of the Day

"Taking my dog out in below zero weather brings one thought to mind. I should have gotten a cat."

"Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well I won't stand in your way."

"I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!"

"I wasn't going to get a brain transplant... ...But then I changed my mind"

"""I'm leaving you"" ""why?"" ""Your jokes are old and tiresome"" ""but, I can updog"" ""What's updog?"" ""NOTHIN, WHAT'S UP WI-"" *slams door*"

"What do you call an Asian guy who is a member of ISIS? RICE-IS"

"If you LOVE something, set it free.. If it comes back to you,,,,you love a boomerang"

"What do elephants say as a compliment ? You look elephantastic !"

"What was the score of the lobster soccer game? Zero to zero. Lobsters can't kick soccer balls."

"What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it."