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Joke of the Day

"A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and then his wife didn't speak to him for 6 months. It was part of the deal"

"Can a blind person please rub their hands over their dog's nipples and tell me what it says?"

"What's dirtier then fingering your sister? Finding your dad's wedding ring."

"You and my mother are the only women in my life! Said the redneck."

"That prank where you roll the windows down as you go through a carwash so your friends get soaked isn't as funny when you do it by yourself"

"Men used to slay dragons, and here I am shuffling around like a penguin with my pants around my ankles looking for extra toilet paper."

"I never thought I'd love my family more than my Xbox 360, and it turned out I was right."

"Why are atoms untrustworthy? They make up everything. Credit to /u/ipsokinetikon from an askreddit thread about what not to trust."

"new tattoo My wife has a new tattoo. its a shell on the inside of her thigh. when i put my ear to it i can smell the sea..."

"So in The Matrix they feed you the liquified remains of the dead through a tube but you get to sleep and be online all day? I'm listening."