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Joke of the Day

"[after an accident on the ski slope] ME: did i nail the triple backflip PARAMEDIC: u choked on a tootsie roll and fell off of the ski lift"

"I tried to catch fog yesterday Mist."

"I was talking to a girl last night ... She was quite fat, but she had huuuuge tits. ""My eyes are up here"", I had to say, because she kept staring at the hamburger in my hand."

"Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor......."

"if you ever wanna impress a girl just bring a baby on your date and then basically just outperform the baby at everything it's really easy"

"Sometimes blank stare is the correct answer."

"New Year's Resolution- Date more models... Edit: Date more Edit: Date again LAST Edit: Stop crying while masturbating"

"Why are crabs always tired? Because they sleep in snatches."

"What language do eagles program in? [C#](https://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/3tp03o/in_canada_we_have_some_nice_falcons/cx8608n)"

"David Bowie was found in a three foot coffin. The coroner said it was a space oddity."