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Joke of the Day

"Arnold Palmer has died... I heard that he will be half buried and half cremated."

"Im so fucked up i wrote 3 tweets into my phone and texted them to the Hurricane Katrina fund."

"I undo his overall strap & slide it off a barely perceptible shoulder. I pull his steel work goggle down around his ""neck"" ""BanaNA"" he moans"

"""The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"""

"World population will soon pass 7 billion, over twice the people of just 50 years ago, and I can still only find about 3 that I can stand."

"In his quest to become a brain surgeon, Charlie the otter couldn't afford to live at the University of aquatic mammals. He was forced to take online courses from the Hippo-Campus."

"Sarah Palin admitted she used to get health care in Canada & Glenn Beck admitted he used to get his human baby sacrifices from Canada."

"SPOILER ALERT: In the book ""What to Expect When You're Expecting,"" it's a baby. You're expecting a baby."

"It's 3 am. Just smoked a fatty. Just trying to make up new material with my parrot. I think i just thought of a good one but I may just be... Too stoned with one bird."

"""I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"" could also be titled ""I Wrongly Believed My Mother to Be a Cheating Whore"""