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Joke of the Day

"A grasshopper goes into a bar... and the bartender says, ""Hey! We have a drink named after you."" The grasshopper says, ""You have a drink named Phil?"""

"China's stock market is down again We should have seen it coming. The red flags were everywhere."

"Some guy said I was being pithy.... turns out he had a lisp."

"God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round.......and laughed and laughed and laughed."

"I don't believe in hitting my children as punishment... So I send them to school in a Justin Beiber shirt and Crocs and let the other kids beat them instead"

"So this dude is like, ""Where are you going with all that Element 83?"" and I was like ""None of your bismuth"""

"*raises the bar 16 yrs later] Bar: even though you weren't my real father I always wanted to call you, dad. Dad. *me trying not to cry"

"Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fouls"

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang a painting..."

"I think my cat is a communist. He keeps saying ""Mao"""