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Joke of the Day

"It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole."

"""Give it to me!"" she yelled. ""I'm so fucking wet!, give it to me now!"" She can scream all she wants... I'm not giving her my umbrella."

"What did Mitt Romney say to C3P0? Threepio, hand me those binders, willya?"

"Old lady across from me in ER waiting room just asked me, ""So are you sick?"" No, I'm just here for the free CNN."

"Why did the redneck cross the road His dick was stuck in the chicken"

"Whats the difference between a feminist and a bomb vest? A bomb vest does something when triggered."

"Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says ""I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"""

"PILOT: Welcome to flying school. Any questions? ME: Is it possible to crash into a rainbow? PILOT: Yes it's how most of you will die. Next?"

"Someone said to me today that my clothes are gay. I said yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

"They told me if you put your newborn in front of an orphanage he would grow up an Orphan So I stuck my baby in the ATM machine so he could grow up to be a rich banker"