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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a horse who disagrees with you? Glue."

"Why are all these jokes about unhappy relationships? Said my wife as she looked over my shoulder. What a nosy fucking bitch."

"Apple have begun making prison guards... Apparently they like to lock up."

"sex and air Q.why is sex a lot like air A.because it's a big deal unless your not getting any"

"If you took the tartness out of a lime and later put it back would the lime be retarted? Yes...yes it would..."

"I want to treat you like my big toe and bang you on every piece of furniture in the house."

"With my luck, I'll die and get reincarnated as myself."

"What do they call number 17 in black jack ? The stepmother, because sometimes you want to hit her, even though you shouldn't"

"Wife still out of town. I'm afraid if I order Dominos again they will call child services."

"Is that water coming out of your nose? No, it'snot"