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Joke of the Day

"If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine."

"Today I was hit in the back of the head with a bag of ice I was knocked out cold"

"""Follow me!"" Me: Don't tell me what to do, ERIC!!! (Me at an exercise class)"

"[about to message girl he likes] Me: I should just talk to her like I would anyone else. Be myself. And not act stupid. Brain: OR"

"Fun Fact: The human brain isn't able to register typos or grammar errors until after hitting teh Send button."

"I have information that will lead to Hillary Clinton's arrest. [deleted]"

"Why is it that most people who are against abortion.. Are people you wouldn't wanna fuck in the first place. R.I.P. George Carlin."

"what do you call someone with le neckbeard and le fedora le enlightened genius lol"

"Even with all the flooding in LA I don't think the police should be able to shutdown the major roadways.. Because that's highway robbery"

"Whenever a bird shits on my car I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on front of my porch just to let them know what I am capable of"