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Joke of the Day

"How come lesbians can't be vegan? They all eat pussy."

"Teacher : Can't you retain anything in your head overnight ? Pupil : Of course I've had this cold in my head for two days !"

"If you can't concentrate, rub your nipples. It won't help, but concentration is overrated anyway. You know who likes concentration? Nazis."

"Watching a show about women who choose to give birth outside. Like, let's take the most painful experience of my life and add bugs and shit."

"The guy who invented the crossword is buried in my town's cemetery... His grave is the 7th one down and the 3rd one across."

"Scariest thing ever The scariest thing in the world is waking up with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. I was so scared I almost swerved off the road!"

"Have you heard the joke from the kid with short attention-span? He didn't even finish his j---"

"(new york guy murmuring ""eyy im walkin here"" over and over in his sleep) aww hes having a dream where hes running"

"Why wouldn't the piglet's mother let her read romantic novels? She was afraid her daughter would run away with a wolf."

"What shoe can fit 206 million feet in it? Honshu!"