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Joke of the Day

"In awkward situations I'll sometimes break out my braille version of Calvin and Hobbes. You know - comic relief."

"Interview Employer: ""This is an important job, we need someone who is responsible."" Applicant: ""I'm the one you want! At my last job, every time there was a problem, they said I was responsible."""

"What do you call an elf singer? Elvish Presley"

"I don't have shit to say and"

"I asked my girlfriend if looks and money were important to her when choosing a boyfriend... she said ""Clearly not."" :-("

"PEOPLE OF THE PLANE LISTEN TO ME WHEN THE SEATBELT LIGHT GOES OFF STAND UP IMMEDIATELY OR YOUR SPOT IN THE NON-MOVING LINE WON'T BE ASSURED"

"That awesome feeling when you walk in the beat of the song you're listening to."

"*wind starts wearimg sunglases adn 90s clothes* *wind starts recitimg will smith raps* wow this is som realy fresh air"

"Ok I have 2 short jokes and a long one. joke joke jooooooooooooooke. I'll show myself out."

"I parked in the ""C"" section of the parking lot. So, naturally, I had to climb out of the sunroof."