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Joke of the Day
"It's good to meet girl in park. But better to park meat in girl."
Next Joke
"What's the difference between a little guy with a pot o' gold and a big gathering where people's limbs are falling off? One's a leprechaun and the other's a leper-con."
"It's not a bad movie, but it is hard to believe a character named Captain America wouldn't be morbidly obese."
"Why do you hate a nosey pepper? Cuz he's jalapeno .business"
"The fourth Harry Potter book marked a huge tone shift for the rest of the series. I mean, the fifth book was dead serious."
"One step forward for cancer research, two steps back for women getting men to go down on them. Thanks, Michael Douglas"
"What did the father buffalo say when his son went off to college? ""Bison."""
"The name ""groundhog"" suggests the presence of sea and skyhogs and I am not sure how I feel about that."
"What do you get when you cross a rooster with a PB&J. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth. Shout out to Roosterteeth"
"wife: YOU changed the sheets?! [flashback to me eating nachos in bed after she told me not to and getting cheese everywhere] me: Surprise!"