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Joke of the Day

"What is agitated buy joyful? A washing machine"

"Don't trust anybody who owns a working printer."

"Ever since I swallowed a watch I've been keeping myself busy taking laxitives, eating lots of fruit and drinking prune juice. Anything to pass the time."

"Today someone was killed with a starter pistol... the police think it might be race related."

"Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend"

"My Dad was the town drunk, ... and we lived in Chicago."

"It's oddly fitting that most Americans celebrate Presidents' Day by taking the day off and not doing the job they were hired to do."

"Two chickens were chatting around the coop. ""That big rooster next door made a pass at me!"" one exclaimed. ""Really? Did you provoke him?"" ""Well, I egged him on a little."""

"What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue?"

"What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig? ""...Would you like fries with that?"""