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Joke of the Day

"Guys, throw away ALL your favorite things. Go to Pier 1, buy some throw pillows and potpourri. Ok, you're ready for marriage."

"""You're so cold, I wished you would just disappear!"" His temperature then dropped to 0 Kelvin and he disappeared"

"I wish I would have listened to my grandma when she told me one day I'd regret not focusing harder on my hitman career."

"In Soviet Russia, Russia Soviet."

"*angrily whispering over crib* ""Sheila you know I was raised by wolves. I have to pay it forward."" ""But why do they need their own cribs?"""

"What do you say to a woman that has two black eyes? Nothing! You already told that bitch twice. (Yeah...I know. It's horrible, but I just couldn't help myself.)"

"I didn't believe my friend when he told me who the Canadian Prime Minister was... turns out it was Trudeau."

"A Woman Comes To The Physician - Herr doctor! My husband is very sick! - OK. Get undressed and show me what does he complain of..."

"Knock knock. Who's there? Beats. Beats who? Beats me."

"Today we our throwing one of our Asian employees a supplies birthday party. I got him a highlighter."