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Joke of the Day

"My diet has slowly gone from balanced and nutritious to Augustus Gloop on the first stop of Willy Wonka's tour."

"Q:What happens when your GF illegally downloads a movie? A:She becomes PirateBae"

"Word meanings: Slut: A prostitute that doesn't charge. Prostitute: A clever slut!"

"How does a sheep farmer find a sheep on top of the mountain ? Acceptable"

"I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, ""How flexible are you?"" I said, ""I can't make Tuesdays."""

"Why does Britain love tea so much? Because tea leaves."

"New study shows Android phone users are more likely to put out, apparently iPhone users are too busy waiting in a line to have sex."

"Justin Beiber fell off stage last night at a concert in Canada. He suffered only minor injuries according to his gynecologist."

"Two flies are on a piece of shit... One fly rips a fart & the other says ""HEY... I'M EATING HERE"""

"Going to sleep: It's so cold in here, I'm totally wearing these socks to bed Middle of the night: GET THESE DEVIL FOOT GLOVES OFF ME"