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Joke of the Day

"What would u do if u won the lotto? 10yo: Buy legos & a bigger house for u. 11yo: I'd buy a monkey. Going to be extra nice to my 10yo."

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"I took my wife to Hawaii for our 25th wedding anniversary. You know what I did for our 50th? Went back and got her."
"Smoke alarms are really just toast alarms."
"HAPPY EARTH DAY! Suck it, Neptune."
"Why should you never buy Russian jeans? Chernobyl fallout"
"What did the plant say to the runaway melons in love? You cantelope!"
"two cows in a barn One turns to the other and says, ""Man this mad cow disease really has me on edge."" then other cow says ""*Pshh* I don't care, I'm a helicopter!"""
"A guy wakes up in the middle of the night. Goes to the toilet to take a piss, looks down and says: -You see, I get up when you need it."
"high school was the free trial version of college. ""if you wish to continue your education you can buy the complete pack for $50,000"""
"I need to print some my Facebook friends' status updates on toilet paper so I can wipe my bum with them."