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Joke of the Day

"College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can't find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school."

"""Tweet it"" is the new laughing."

"Give a woman a compliment, she'll smile for a day.. Teach a woman to fish for compliments & she'll be annoying for the rest of her life."

"When girls ask if I'm good in bed, I tell them ""Of course, how hard is it to close your eyes and literally do nothing for 8 hours""."

"Until a pregnancy test commercial involves a chick hysterically crying & screaming MY LIFE IS OVER, it's not real life."

"I can't turn my head very far in either direction It's a pain in the neck! My mom made that up."

"I think my girlfriend would make a good plumber She keeps bringing up old shit from weeks ago."

"Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption ""Summer is finally here!"" or we wouldn't have known it's summer."

"I hate when girls have ""taken"" in their bio like that movie wasn't even that good"

"Do you want to hear the funniest joke in the world? Me too."