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Joke of the Day

"Guarantees in life 1. Death 2. A waitress will ask how everything is while your mouth is full but never be around when you need a refill"

"What do we want? A CURE FOR PARANOIA When do we want it? WHO WANTS TO KNOW"

"Someone told me to go to Hell I told them I'd say hi to their mother for them"

"What's an example of Jewish foreplay? When the Rabbi makes a three-pointer at the Bris."

"Im on a sea food diet if I seafood I eat it."

"If God wanted to impress me with his 'miracles' he would've impregnated Joesph, not a poor unwed teenage girl. That shit happens every day."

"Me: C'mon, baby. Send me a pic. Her: I dunno. Me: Baby, please. I need it. Her: Fine. *Opens pic of pug dressed like a duck* Me: Sweeeeeet"

"If I turn the food pyramid upside down it's way easier to eat out of it."

"I really like that new Westworld show. But sex with robots makes me uncomfortable. Every time I try it - my nuts get pinched in her gearbox"

"20's kids won't get this Economic prosperity."