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Joke of the Day

"What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another? Sorry, my fault."

"What is the correct way to refer to an OP who resides in Europe? The Continental OP."

"""It's just bananas, bananas, bananas with you,"" the wife shouted. ""If I told you I was going to leave you because of this ridiculous obsession, what would you say?"" ""Well, thanks a bunch,"" I replied."

"I'm not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick."

"Reddit is like a brand new, shiny penny... It's fun to look at but completely worthless"

"How do you get ""Dick"" from Richard? You ask him politely."

"NASA spent 1.5mil on a pen that works in space. Russia putin a pencil."

"APPLE GENIUS: [looks around nervously] if I had a criticism of this phone it would be that- {trapdoor} NEW APPLE GENIUS: that it's perfect."

"I was once blind for 5 years It was a very dark time in my life."

"Who is ant man's worst enemy? Raid"